1062: Ruth Whippman | Raising Boys in the Age of Impossible Masculinity

Parental Influence

Parental influence plays a significant role in shaping emotional disparities between boys and girls. Jordan Harbinger and Ruth Whippman discuss how societal norms often lead parents to unconsciously reinforce gender stereotypes. Boys are often discouraged from expressing emotions, while girls receive more emotional nurturing from an early age 1. Whippman highlights that boys' brains develop more slowly in areas responsible for emotional regulation, which is compounded by the way they are raised 2. This disparity is evident in how parents respond differently to boys and girls, often dismissing boys' emotions 3.

Boys start off at a disadvantage with those emotional self-regulation skills, and then as time goes on, the gap widens and widens.

--- Ruth Whippman

Harbinger admits to unconsciously telling his son to "suck it up," a phrase he never uses with his daughter, illustrating the ingrained nature of these biases.

   

Emotional Skills

Developing emotional skills in boys requires societal and educational changes. Whippman emphasizes the need for boys to learn emotional intelligence, which is often hindered by cultural norms that discourage emotional expression 4. Boys lack role models who demonstrate emotional labor, leading to a crisis of emotional connection as they grow older 5.

Boys have this, like, little bit of under nurture, that it's this kind of undercare, which doesn't mean that they're neglected. The differences are subtle, but they're really real.

--- Ruth Whippman

Harbinger notes that boys are often exposed to competitive and combative content, which contrasts with the nurturing narratives girls receive 6. This lack of emotional nurturing contributes to the loneliness crisis many men face.