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Published Jul 9, 2020

375: Bob Sutton | The A-hole Survival Guide

Stanford professor Bob Sutton shares invaluable strategies for recognizing and managing a-hole behavior in ourselves and others, delving into the harmful effects of toxic personalities and offering practical tips for maintaining emotional detachment and healthier environments.
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  • Identifying A-holes

    Recognizing a-holes in professional and personal settings is crucial for mental and physical well-being. explains that exposure to individuals who demean and disrespect others can lead to anxiety, depression, and even heart disease 1. He highlights the importance of identifying whether someone is intentionally harmful or simply unaware of their behavior. Sutton notes, "If you have a boss who treats you like dirt over a long period of time, there are good studies that show you're more likely to have heart disease and a heart attack" 1. Understanding these dynamics can help in strategizing how to deal with such individuals effectively.

       

    Confronting A-holes

    Confronting a-holes requires careful consideration of the situation and the individual's awareness of their behavior. suggests that sometimes a private conversation can be effective if the person is unaware of their impact 2. He shares an example of a CEO who was unaware of his sexist behavior until confronted with evidence, leading to positive change. Sutton advises, "The first assumption when somebody is leaving you feeling bad... is to make the assumption that they don't understand the damage that they're causing" 2. In cases where confrontation is necessary, gathering support and documenting incidents can increase the chances of a successful resolution.

       

    Coping Strategies

    Coping with a-holes involves emotional detachment and reframing strategies. shares a technique where one imagines themselves as a doctor studying a-holes, creating emotional distance from the situation 3. He also highlights the power of humor and seeing oneself as above the negativity, as practiced by baristas at Philz Coffee who "kill them with kindness" 4. Sutton emphasizes, "Anything you can do to create some emotional distance between you and the person who's treating you like dirt can be very helpful" 3. These strategies can help maintain personal well-being in challenging environments.

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