98: How to Make Sure You’re Not That Toxic Person | Feedback Friday

Social Awkwardness

Jordan Harbinger and Jason DeFillippo address the challenges of overcoming social awkwardness and self-doubt. Jordan emphasizes that focusing on one's discomfort can make others uncomfortable, as people tend to mirror nonverbal cues 1. He advises adding value to the community to become a leader and ambassador, rather than trying to read others' minds. Jason shares a personal technique from a previous guest, Jane McGonigal, to help ease social interactions 1.

If you're feeling awkward inside, it manifests in your nonverbal communication in your external state outside which other people read and then pick up on.

--- Jordan Harbinger

A listener's story highlights the internal struggle of feeling awkward and intimidating in social situations. Jordan reassures her that much of this perception may exist only in her mind, urging her to focus on her strengths and contributions 2.

   

Closeted Life

Navigating life as a closeted individual in a stigmatized society presents unique challenges. A listener from Rwanda shares his struggle with living as a gay man in a society where homosexuality is stigmatized, despite not being criminalized 3. Jordan and Jason discuss the difficulties of maintaining a hidden identity and the potential benefits of emigrating to a more accepting country.

Imagine never being able to tell your closest friends and family who you really are. Never being able to go out and have lunch with your boyfriend, husband, significant other, whatever. That's not freedom, and you deserve to be free. Everybody deserves to be free.

--- Jordan Harbinger

They outline the stark contrast between the limited dating pool and social freedom in Rwanda versus the broader acceptance and opportunities in North America 4.

   

Estranged Parent

Dealing with the possibility of meeting an estranged parent after many years can be emotionally complex. A listener contemplates whether to meet his dying father, whom he hasn't seen since childhood due to his father's addictions and inability to provide 5. Jordan suggests that meeting him might offer closure and prevent future regrets, recommending therapy to process the experience.

If you can get to him before he dies without serious hardship, you might want to do it just because if he dies and you never visit him, it's possible, you'll have all these unanswered questions.

--- Jordan Harbinger

Jason advises outlining specific questions and goals for the interaction to ensure it is beneficial rather than harmful. They both stress the importance of emotional preparation and support from a therapist 6.