487: Connect with Cult Father, or Don't Even Bother? | Feedback Friday

Boundaries

Setting personal and emotional boundaries is crucial when dealing with family members still entrenched in cult ideologies. Jordan Harbinger emphasizes the importance of separating one's own feelings from those of a parent who may use guilt or manipulation as tactics to pull you back into the cult. He advises maintaining a clear distinction between personal experiences and those of the family, which can help in staying firm in one's convictions 1. Gabriel Mizrahi adds that while setting these boundaries, it's essential to remember that both parties have the right to their feelings, even if they don't align 2.

You don't need to be a perfect soldier every time you and your dad talk. Just keep an eye on those old feelings that crop up and know that, that's probably old programming that you're still learning to undo.

--- Jordan Harbinger

Developing both inner and outer boundaries can be a powerful tool in managing these complex family dynamics.

   

Communication

Maintaining communication with family members while staying true to one's beliefs can be challenging, especially when dealing with a parent deeply entrenched in cult ideologies. Jordan Harbinger suggests that while it's worth trying to maintain a relationship, one must temper expectations and be prepared to protect oneself from guilt or belittlement 3. Gabriel Mizrahi highlights the importance of finding a neutral mediator to facilitate family discussions, ensuring that the mediator is not biased or part of the cult 4.

You might not ever have the perfect relationship, but if you can get to a point where you just accept each other, that would be a win.

--- Gabriel Mizrahi

Modeling a happy, healthy life outside the cult can also encourage family members to see the benefits of leaving.

   

Escaping

Escaping a cult-like organization is a monumental challenge that requires immense courage and conviction. Jordan Harbinger commends those who manage to leave such environments, acknowledging the difficulty of breaking free from ingrained family and community ties 5. He suggests that being an example of success outside the cult can inspire others within the family to consider leaving as well 6.

I think it's incredible. It's just not, it could not have been an easy thing to do.

--- Jordan Harbinger

Resources like books by Dr. Steven Hassan and Tara Westover's memoir "Educated" can provide guidance and support for those navigating life after a cult.