Navigating Criticism
Jordan and John discuss the importance of not escalating criticism in relationships and how successful couples develop positive illusions of their partners. They also touch on the power of reframing criticism as personal feelings rather than accusations.In this clip
From this podcast
The Jordan Harbinger Show
312: John Tierney | Harnessing the Power of Bad
Related Questions
In relation to resolving a marital battle, Terry recommended that the husband, "the man," say, "You're upset. I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to help you?" My wife had two issues with this. First, she felt this was condescending. Second, she believes it lacked an explanation of what happens when the man does this but doesn't follow through the next time. She believes the man should say, "You're upset. I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to help myself?" What are your thoughts on this?
My partner doesn't seem to think it might not be healthy or productive to allow the hurt partner to have their "moment in the spotlight" while discussing that person's hurt or concern. For example, if I come to him with something I'm sad about, he responds with comments about how I do that too, or how I do XYZ and it hurts him, or else he will bring up how he hasn't healed from the dinner with the ex. He also seems to consider every disagreement or discussion about relationship issues that need a compromise as a "fight," and he often gets very angry, starts yelling, and tells me to leave the room. What should I do in this situation?
Is this a healthy way to communicate in a relationship? My partner doesn't seem to think it might not be healthy or productive to allow the hurt partner to have their "moment in the spotlight" while discussing that person's hurt or concern. For example, if I come to him with something I'm sad about, he responds with comments about how I do that too, or how I do XYZ and it hurts him, or else he will bring up how he hasn't healed from the dinner with the ex. He also seems to consider every disagreement or discussion about relationship issues that need a compromise as a "fight," and he often gets very angry, starts yelling, and tells me to leave the room.