Helping Without Hurting
Jordan advises on how to navigate situations where someone may not want your help, but just wants to vent. He suggests asking if they want advice or just need to be heard, in a way that makes either answer acceptable. This can prevent frustration and sounding condescending.In this clip
From this podcast
The Jordan Harbinger Show
269: My Stepdaughter's Mom Is A Sex Worker | Feedback Friday
Related Questions
My wife and I recently listened to your podcast with host Terry Real. We enjoyed the podcast, even with a few "I told you so" moments. In relation to resolving a marital battle, Terry recommended that the husband, "the man," say, "You're upset. I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to help you?" My wife had two issues with this. First, she felt this was condescending. Second, she believes it lacked an explanation of what happens when the man does this but doesn't follow through the next time. She believes the man should say, "You're upset. I am sorry I hurt you. What can I do to help myself?" What are your thoughts on this?
My wife and I listened to your podcast with Terry Real. We enjoyed it and had a few "I told you so" moments. However, we had a major issue with what was said when there was an argument. The husband, the man in this case, was told to say, "You're upset. I'm sorry. What can I do for you?" My wife had two issues with this approach. First, it felt condescending. Second, what happens if this is said but lacks follow-through, and the issue happens again? Is it a free pass? By the way, I thought it was spot on, but I see her point.
How can I fix the relational dynamic where my wife constantly complains, then finally blows up in a state of disregulation? She feels unheard due to her anxious attachment, which leads her to express increasingly intense emotions and stories to prove her hurt. I get triggered by her big emotions of anger and attack, even when I try to attune to her feelings and practice active listening. It feels like it's never enough for her, and I sense that she is always trying to blame her emotions on me, wanting me to own the responsibility for her disregulation. How can we address this issue?