558: Jack Schafer | Flipping the Like Switch Part Two

Verbal Tells

Understanding verbal tells can be a powerful tool in detecting deception. Jack Schafer explains that when someone begins a yes-or-no question with "well," it often signals an unexpected answer is coming, indicating potential dishonesty 1. This technique is applicable in various settings, from parenting to professional environments. He also highlights the psychological impact of making someone self-conscious about their lying, which can lead them to inadvertently reveal the truth 2.

You're a bad liar. You have a neon sign on your forehead that lights up every time you lie.

--- Jack Schafer

These insights are drawn from Schafer's extensive experience in law enforcement and can be used to enhance interpersonal communication.

   

Nonverbal Cues

Nonverbal cues are equally crucial in understanding a person's true intentions. Jack Schafer describes how lip pursing can indicate resistance to an idea, serving as a nonverbal sign of disagreement 3. Recognizing these cues early allows one to address objections before they are verbalized, making it easier to influence opinions. Jordan Harbinger emphasizes the importance of changing someone's mind before they articulate their rejection, as it becomes harder to alter their stance once they've expressed it 4.

Once they verbalize it or vocalize those concerns, then it's harder to change their mind.

--- Jordan Harbinger

This understanding of nonverbal communication can be particularly useful in negotiations and conflict resolution.

   

Psychological Techniques

Psychological techniques can effectively manage and diffuse anger. Jack Schafer explains that anger often stems from a world out of sync, and providing a logical explanation can help realign it 5. Using empathic statements to acknowledge underlying issues rather than just the anger itself can facilitate this process. Harbinger illustrates this with an example of addressing a spouse's frustration by recognizing their need for adult interaction, rather than focusing solely on their anger 6.

When you're angry, you don't think logically. You let that person vent that anger without throwing fuel on the fire.

--- Jack Schafer

These techniques not only help in calming situations but also pave the way for constructive dialogue.