573: David Buss | When Men Behave Badly

Sexual Conflict

David Buss explores the evolutionary roots of sexual conflict, highlighting how these dynamics manifest in human relationships. He explains that both sexes engage in deception and infidelity, but extreme forms of conflict, such as sexual harassment and assault, often involve men bypassing female choice 1. Buss emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to reduce their occurrence, noting that these acts are crimes with victims, not a result of victim behavior 2.

Identifying some of the statistical predictors of the circumstances in which they occur does not alleviate men of being guilty of these crimes and it does not warrant assigning any blame to women.

--- David Buss

He stresses the need for awareness and education to prevent such violence.

   

Dark Triad

The Dark Triad traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy—interact with evolutionary drives, influencing behaviors in sexual relationships. Buss explains that individuals high in these traits often pursue short-term mating strategies, leading to manipulative and exploitative behaviors 3. He notes that these traits are overrepresented among those who commit acts of sexual violence, bypassing female choice 4.

This subset of men, high Dark Triad men pursuing a short-term mating strategy, they're the ones who are serial harassers and serial coercers.

--- David Buss

Understanding these traits can help identify potential risks in relationships.

   

Mate Value

Mate-value discrepancies, where one partner's status significantly rises, can lead to infidelity or relationship dissolution. Buss discusses how individuals with higher mate value are statistically more likely to cheat or leave a relationship to "trade up" in the mating market 5. He also highlights the complexities of long-distance relationships, where idealization can lead to unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment 6.

We idealize the person when they're not in front of us. This is very human, very natural, very dangerous and destructive to long-term relationships.

--- Jordan Harbinger

Spending real time together is crucial to counteract these effects.

   

Arms Race

The concept of a sexual selection arms race illustrates the ongoing adaptations and counter-adaptations between sexes. Buss uses the example of spiders to explain how males and females evolve strategies to maximize reproductive success, often at the expense of the other 7. He also touches on the idea that scanning for alternative mates is a natural behavior, even in happy relationships, as part of this evolutionary process 8.

The reproductive interests of males and females sometimes diverge, and once you have sexual reproduction, you have two species and the optimum mating strategy.

--- David Buss

These dynamics highlight the complex interplay of evolutionary forces in human behavior.