82: Vanessa Van Edwards | Pumping up the Volume of Nonverbal Communication

Confidence Building

Building personal confidence involves understanding both self-confidence and situational confidence. Vanessa Van Edwards suggests focusing on a person's "pet" projects or "pest" issues to boost their confidence. She explains that everyone has a pet project they love discussing, and a pest, like the "missing tile syndrome," where they feel judged for a perceived flaw 1.

The missing tile syndrome is also this pest that a lot of people feel like they have like one tile missing and they are terrified you're going to notice and judge them for it.

--- Vanessa Van Edwards

Additionally, Jordan Harbinger highlights the importance of context in nonverbal communication, warning against taking prescriptive advice without considering the situation 2.

   

Conversational Skills

Engaging in confident conversations requires strategic questioning and vulnerability. Vanessa Van Edwards recommends using positive and engaging conversation starters like "Working on anything exciting these days?" to elicit meaningful responses 3. She also shares that revealing personal vulnerabilities can help build connections, as it encourages others to share their own "pests" or challenges 4.

I make the best friends by sidling up to like a woman that's there... and I say, “Oh my God, my heels are killing me. All I want to do is be in my pajamas watching Netflix.”

--- Vanessa Van Edwards

Jordan Harbinger adds that context is crucial, suggesting that these techniques are best used in social settings rather than random encounters on public transport 3.