554: Laurie Santos | Practical Lessons from The Happiness Lab

Reference Points

Understanding the influence of reference points on happiness reveals why Olympic bronze medalists often feel happier than silver medalists. Laurie Santos explains that silver medalists compare themselves to the gold medalists, leading to feelings of inadequacy, while bronze medalists feel grateful for not finishing empty-handed 1. This concept extends beyond sports, as people often choose reference points that make them feel worse, like comparing themselves to billionaires or supermodels 2.

Our brain has to use what's called a reference point. Like, who can I compare myself to and see how I'm doing with my income, with my looks or in this case with my performance in the Olympics?

--- Laurie Santos

By selecting more realistic reference points, we can improve our self-perception and overall happiness.

   

Social Media

Social media exacerbates the issue of unrealistic reference points by presenting curated highlight reels that distort reality. Jordan Harbinger notes that these platforms often make us feel inadequate by showcasing others' seemingly perfect lives, leading to a cycle of comparison and dissatisfaction 3. Laurie Santos highlights a study showing that people tend to overestimate the frequency of positive events in others' lives while underestimating negative experiences 4.

We compare our blooper reel to everybody else's highlight reel.

--- Jordan Harbinger

This collective culture of exaggeration on social media contributes to a widespread sense of inadequacy and unhappiness.